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Comment Wall- College and Karma

Thank you in advance for your feedback.


(Portrayed is the idea that Karma is continuous repercussions of our actions: Source: Wikimedia)

Comments

  1. Hi Lindsey!
    I love the idea of karma that you are doing. I kinda did something like this last spring for my storybook, but your idea of karma is present in the life. Mine was spread among generations and more longer lasting! I also love the story you used to describe this. This story reminds me a little of Chicken Little. I don't know if you noticed but your formatting for your website is kinda off. All of your text is all pushed to the right with this gigantic space on the left. You could put a picture there or just elong your space. Your writing is also very condensed, so it might be a nice way to break it up with pictures or indentations. This would be definitely something my friends would do to me! I think it would be funny if at the end, if Joe actually ran out of good karma.
    Can't wait to read more karma stories!

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  2. Hi Lindsey!
    Overall, I really liked your project idea! I love the fact that you are basing it on karma, and that you are putting it in a college setting that most readers in this setting are comfortable with! At the point in the semester that I am reading (week 6), there is only one story up so far, so I cannot wait to read more. I really liked the story you shared, I think it is a great story and you did a good job rewriting the original story that you are basing it off of. I wish that your home/ introduction page included more research and information on karma. I think that it would make readers understand much easier and it would help you get the right view on the idea of karma itself to help you write your stories! I will link a couple of sources that you could potentially use for this purpose.
    Overall, you have done a great job so far and I cannot wait to see how this project advances! :)

    Karma research:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma
    https://www.livescience.com/41462-what-is-karma.html

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  3. Hi Lindsey!
    I really liked your story because it was well-written, relatable, and entertaining. You’ve got a couple minor grammatical hiccups, like your second sentence is just a fragment, but the story is still very easily readable nonetheless. At first, I was confused why there were students on campus during the summer (July 3rd) but then you explained that they were in a summer session. However, I don’t really think that a junior would be living in the dorms, even if you paid him to! Accidentally starting a mass panic sounds like more of a freshman move, anyway. 😉 I’m curious to see if Joe DOES run out of karma, and I’m also curious if John and Johnny will receive any further consequences, or just the wait for their karma will fulfill the punishment. Will you do a continuation of this story or move right along to a different one? I can’t wait to read your stories when you write more!

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  4. Hi Lindsey,

    I like what you have written so far! I think that you picked a great topic and can create lots of great stories with it. You site looks nice so far, the green color you went with isn't distracting or hard to look at.
    I enjoyed your first story! It was fun to read and realistic (boys are always causing trouble!) I don't know if you noticed this, but you have a lot of "J" names and alliterations with J. Like, Joe, John and Johnny are juniors on July 4th lol. It made it easy to get the characters mixed up, especially John and Johnny. I also noticed that you wrote their names out a lot. I think if you subbed out some of the names for pronouns, the story would flow better. Instead of "John and Johnny", you could say "they" or "them". I also wonder what exactly the bad karma is for the 2 boys? The story says that they want to avoid it, but maybe it would be fun to explore what consequences they ultimately have to face! It made me curious.
    Great job so far on the storybook!

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  5. Hi Lindsey!
    I really enjoy your idea to do your storybook over karma!I thought your first story was easy to read and to follow. I wonder why there were so many students on campus on a holiday, it gives me the impression that they probably live far from the college and were unable to go home? I liked the idea of John and Johnny’s karma was having to continue their semester with their anxiety of what their punishment might be, I think that’s the scariest part about being punished most the time. I really liked the second story and really enjoyed the role-reversal of Rama and Sita for Ryan and Sarah, where Ryan was the one that had to prove his faithfulness to Sarah. Since OU is so large, it’s hard to imagine the school having “it” couple that everyone knows about. The descriptions of Ryan and Sarah reminded more of what I experienced in high school than college. What if Ryan and Sarah were high school sweethearts and had those reputations, but then started struggling with their relationship in college? Overall, I enjoyed your stories! Great job!

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  6. Hey Lindsey!

    I really enjoyed how your portfolio has started off and think it is easily relatable to essentially everyone in our class! The idea of turning karma into basic lessons while bringing in different stories from Indian Epics is a really multi-step unique process. It also helps having stories like this that I find interesting and I don't seem to get bored reading! It's always refreshing to read these, but I wonder if you could add a more thorough into what we will be reading? It could help prepare the reader a little bit more! I am also curious if you thought of taking from different writing strategies to better prepare the intro. What if their stories had been completely reimagined into different college scenarios? It would be cool to read! This was a really great start though and I am excited to read your future stories!

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  7. Hi Lindsey!
    I thought the concept of your storybook was really cool, since it's pretty unique and I believe karma plays a big factor in several Indian myths. I also liked how you tied in the University of Oklahoma to the story you wrote about 'The It Couple', to give it a more familiar feeling, as well as the unique, modern twists you created with these old, traditional folk tales. One thing I would say is that 'it' and 'couple' should be capitalized in your title. Secondly, I wondered if it might be interesting to see some actual karmic consequences in your future stories? It seems like in 'An Afternoon on the Quad', nothing actually happens to John and Johnny, and in 'The It Couple', nothing much happens to Ryan. That made me think, what if Ryan had a metaphorical fire to walk through in order to prove himself to Sarah? Such as contacting the girl and getting her to explain everything to Sarah?

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  8. Hey Lindsey,
    I liked your storybook. The idea of Karma set in the modern day is refreshing. I feel that most people will probably be able to relate to your stories more because of the setting. I think that having Karma affect the people in the stories like it affected the ones in the Indian epics is an interesting concept. Not going to lie but when I saw the title “The It Couple,” I thought for sure it was going to be about the clown from the film It ha. Thank god I was wrong on that. I like the descriptions you give us and the dialogue that all the characters have. I feel that really enhances and brings the story to life. I was just curious about what other stories we are going to be learning about. Will they also be set in modern times because I really enjoyed that. Overall, your story book is great, and I cannot wait to read more.

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  9. Hi Lindsey!
    I really like that the stories in your portfolio are all set in college and about karma. I could tell definitely tell which stories yours were based on even though they were so different. I thought the way you introduced the concept of karma in the context of college in your first story was really helpful for establishing that theme. I did kind of get confused by all the different J names at the beginning of the story though. I also kind of question if the title "An Afternoon on the Quad" really fit the story. As for your second story, "The 'It Couple'" I was kind of confused as to why you chose to include the meeting between Ryan and Sarah's dad. It felt kind of out to place to me and somewhat insignificant in the total scheme of your story. I also thought it was a little strange that the test was just to wait and see if something bad happened to Ryan. Maybe there is some way to make the theme of karma come through without directly appealing to it. Overall, I really like your Storybook so far and can't wait to see more.

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  10. I really enjoyed your stories in your portfolio and liked the modern twist you put on them. I read "An afternoon on the Quad" and really enjoyed how the story took place on a college campus. As I was reading your story it reminded me of a classic early 2000's cartoon. I also enjoyed you portfolio aesthetic however, If I could make one change it would be to change your home picture. I understand the Karma part with the blocks falling over but I think you could add a different or another picture. In the future I really hope you keep the trend of the college atmosphere because I and probably most people in this class can relate. Another thing about your story you might want to change is the title of your story. I believe that you are able to come up with a better title name that is more fitting to your story. I really enjoyed your story and can't wait for more!

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  11. Hi Lindsey,
    I think your project is aesthetically nice and karma is a very cool subject to focus on! I liked your story The It Couple. Relationships are very complicated and can vary in what the relationship is like from couple to couple. The story was simple but still fun to read and kept the core subject in focus. I think the meeting between Ryan and Sarah's dad I thought was out of place at first but I guess you could've been trying to make it a fact that Ryan is serious about Sarah. Maybe you could flesh that out a little more to make it fit better in the story. Also, though the core of the story is karma, nothing really happens to Ryan, because he is innocent, but maybe having something happen would help seal the deal and make the karmic theme relevant. Overall, I think your stories are good but just need a little more focus and demonstrate the powers of karma a little more.

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  12. Hey! so first off the website is looking great! I think that your style is really nice. I just finished reading An Afternoon on the Quad and I thought it was a really interesting presentation of the timid rabbit. There were a few formatting errors that need to be fixed but that should be relatively simple. The set up was interesting, I bet it was hard to make the story fit in a 20th century setting. I liked the story overall and I hope that you get the formatting done!

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  13. Hey Lindsey! I love that the premise of your storybook takes place in a college setting, I think you've done a wonderful job of combining the old ideologies of Indian Epics with the modern turmoil we have as college students. I also think including dialogue was a great idea because it allows the reader to follow along in a more cohesive manner then if it was all block text! That’s a great stylistic idea. The “It Couple” story was wonderfully written and very creative, I feel like that was something that could actually happen in real life! I really don’t have any questions, your stories were well written. I think one question I had was why did you make Rama a party boy? Haha, I don’t remember that from the Ramayana. Since the focus of your portfolio is Karma, I think you should emphasize that even more! I know you’ve mentioned it at the end of both your pieces, but maybe talk about it throughout the storybooks! I can’t wait to read more from your storybook, your writing abilities and creativity make your stories very easy to read and enjoyable!

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  14. Hi Lindsey,
    Your home page looks so nice! It is very clean and is easy to navigate. I really appreciate that you have a little paragraph on your home page. It sets up us the reader to know what we are in for. Karma is a really interesting concept to base your stories around. In the story it would be cool if you set the scene more for his dream battle scene so we can experience that with him and feel how dramatic it is. The student union to the dorms is a pretty long run I bet that would collect a fair number of people. I know I definite fear about school shooters when I am awake lol poor guy. What made you choose the names joe, john, and Johnny? They are all so similar it could be a little confusing. I think that john and Johnny would have had much worse repercussions. That story made me think of chicken little. It is interesting that you came up with this story.

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  15. Hey Lindsey! So this is the second time I am posting on your wall. I got to read your second story this time and I was really impressed with the modern take. I have found it can be very hard to write the old stories with a modern take. I also really liked how you made his redeeming factor the strike by lightning as you set up the scene so we all knew that it was a thunderstorm going on. The only question I had about this, is that because it is set in the modern times, why was it a strike of lightning and the proof of "Lightning Gods" that proved his innocents? Why did Sarah believe in the Gods of old? But that is all I got! Keep up with your hard work!

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  16. Hi Lindsey,

    I think I've written a comment on one of your stories earlier in the year for "Afternoon on the Quad." I really enjoyed reading it, so I'm glad that I get another chance to read through the rest of your stories. I liked looking through your portfolio– the layout of your project is nicely structured. I like your introduction on your front page; that's something I think I'd like to incorporate into my portfolio. I appreciate that your portfolio has a strong, coherent theme– the concept of karma is fascinating, and obviously college life is something we can all relate to. All of your stories incorporate tropes from every area of campus life: relaxing on the quad, college relationships, and research/ambition. I like how you didn't focus on any particular aspect of college life, but you borrow from a wide range of college experiences. I look forward to seeing the finished product of your portfolio and the culmination of all your creativity.

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  17. Hi Lindsey!
    Wow. I wish I would have come across your project sooner. It is so awesome. I love the simplicity of it. Each story is extremely unique, but they all go together really well. I though the story about the couple was super funny. I wonder what her dad would have though about those pictures. I know my parents would not be happy campers haha. The author's notes are all very well written and explain the basis of each story well. The pages are easy to navigate as well. I would suggest adding pictures, but that is all. Your site is clean looking right now, which I love, but I wonder if you could find images that keep it organized looking and add some color. Overall, your stories are captivating and relatable. Well done.

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  18. Hi Lindsey! It seems like we have a lot of health majors here in this class and I’m glad to be one! I can’t say I have ever been really into hockey but I did grow up training to speedskate so I guess there’s some similarity. I do watch quite a bit of the NBA these days and as a Thunder fan I recall some of the best playoff battles between our respective teams. Here’s to hoping for many more great series in the future!

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  19. Hi Lindsey,

    Your portfolio looks great! After reading your introduction, I love how you chose to modernize the stories and relate them to your life in college. Also, I love how you chose the topic of Karma because I think everyone has such a different perspective on it and I love hearing other people's opinions on the idea of good vs bad, etc. I read your story "An Afternoon on the Quad" and it was so much different than I was expecting. It made me so sad for Joe because he obviously was extremely traumatized by the situation but I like how you made the boys be nice to him the rest of the semester. I think you did a great job with dialogue between the characters, which stood out to me. I felt like I was actually there watching and listening to this all happen as I read the dialogue.

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  20. Hi Lindsey! I liked that your introduction page starts with a detailed description of what you will be writing about and the class information. I think this is super useful for readers who are viewing your portfolio for the first time. I remember reading your "It Couple" story for one of the blog Commenting assignments and I LOVED it, so creative. I think you do a great job at keeping your reader engaged and since the setting is about college kids, it is more understandable then maybe Indian Epics, haha! I think one lesson we can learn from it is that we should not doubt ourselves and let other people dictate how smart we are or anything! I think the Researcher story is so well written and interesting. I actually could not place where the story came from, but I haven't read the Ekalavya's stories, so that is probably why! One suggestion I would have is to add some more images, I think that would just make your stories even better! Overall, I think you’ve done a great job!!

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